The Twenty-Seventh Year - 2006

I should have included this in last post, but I didn't - so here it is.

In February 2006 my friend Tyson lost his wife during the birth of their first, and only, child. If you remember, Tyson was engaged to a girl from his home town (Deweyville) by the time I came home from Texas. He couldn't wait for me to meet her and see what I thought of her. As soon as I moved up to Utah in January of 2003 I went up to meet her. Later that night, I told him, Tyson, you are not supposed to marry this girl. It as more complicated than that and we discussed it extensively. I guess he was thinking the same thing because later that week, he called to tell me he broke off the engagement. Later that summer he went to Peru with a friend of his (who served his mission in Peru) for a study abroad program. While he was down there he met the woman he would later marry, less than a year later - Jenny.

I blogged about Jenny's death on the All That is Wall blog, here's the link: All That is Wall: The Unimaginable. That blog only covers my thoughts on the events. I got the call from Tyson early in the morning. He sounded choked up and I knew something was wrong - he said baby was fine, but Jenny was "gone." I didn't know what to tell him, there was nothing I could, except that I'll be right there. Tyson never had much experience with babies - and his parents were a little rusty themselves - they had two boys twenty something years earlier with no other grandchildren. I was more than willing to help them get their feet wet again. I stayed with him at his parent's house in Deweyville a couple of days then had to check in at work before heading back up for the funeral.

At the funeral I put together a slide show on my laptop of Jenny and Hayden (their new baby) - Tyson didn't want to take the newborn out in early March, that was a good idea. the funeral went well - as well as a funeral of that nature can go - and after wards the crowds left and even I had to go back to life, leaving Tyson alone with his newborn. I called him everyday for a few weeks, just to check in on him and let him know I was there if he needed anything - even though he had moved back in with his parents, so his temporal needs were pretty much getting met. One day, maybe a couple of weeks after the funeral Tyson called me pretty upset. He was still working in Deweyville (where he was working and living before Jenny passed away) - and he was on his way home from work. He told me he just left his old apartment. He didn't mean to go there, he was just headed home from work listening to the radio not thinking about anything, and he completely spaced out. As he pulled up to his apartment he looked for Jenny's truck in the drive and wondered why it wasn't there - it was as if the the two or three previous weeks never happened - then, it ALL came back, and HARD. He said he sat in his car and sobbed for a good half hour or so before heading back to his parent's home and calling me. I didn't know what to say to him. But that night, we both decided he needed to take some time to himself and get away, so we planned a trip to San Blas - it was a location we both wanted to visit from a Spanish song by Mana, "El Muelle de San Blas." We planned to go the end of June.

In March, Chris and Marie Cool invited me to go to Rocky Point with them and their family. They used to take Shane every year, and with his death just a few months earlier, they wanted me to come in his place - it was me that introduced them and they took Shane into their family and he became closer to them than I was. I enthusiastically agreed to come. I told Brad about the trip and invited him to come - it was a road trip we both needed, and will never forget. We left early in the morning the week of spring break. It was SO cold still in Utah and we were looking forward to the warm beach. On the way down we stopped in Flagstaff to visit my friend Kelly and I took Brad to the Lowell Observatory (that I went to in my Horizons class in mid school). The tour was pretty much the same. It was a great way to kill an hour or two.

We left from the Cool's down to Mexico after doing some last minute repairs on one of their friend's trucks, who was also coming down with us. There were a few families going. We rented a big house on the beach for the week. It was perfect. We spent the week relaxing, playing games, talking about our memories of Shane and just enjoying our time together. One night we went and bought a bunch of Roman Candle fireworks and had a "war" with them. It was great; I got hit and burned my shorts. One night when we were sitting around the outdoor fire, Chris hit the top of Jesse's Corona, causing it to foam over all over him. Jesse got mad and went inside, we all laughed about it, until he surfaced on the balcony above and started shooting at us all down below with one of the Roman Candles - you'd never seen a bunch of guys scurry so fast, over walls, behind trees, wherever we could get away from his fire balls.

The ride back to AZ with Brad was great. Somewhere between Beaver and Provo, Brad and I got cabin fever from being in a car for so long that we started singing along with my ipod - I have video of us singing somewhere, maybe someday I'll post it.

I took summer classes at UVU, as usual, that summer. One of my classes was English 2010. First day of class I sat down with my laptop - it was in a room with large tables in a square pattern, so there was no "back of the class" seat, like I normally take. A moment later a girl came in and sat at the table next to mine. She was cute. I couldn't stop looking at her from the corner of my eye. I did so almost every class period. One day I forgot a pen to write with so I turned to her and asked for a pen. She let me use a pen, it was covered in glitter. When I returned it at the end of class I told her, "uh, your pen has glitter on it." I never got up the guts to talk to her again until the second to last day of class. I waited for her in the hall and asked her out. She hesitated but said yes. We ended up deciding to go out right after our in class final. I finish my final before her and told her to just call me when she got out - I even gave her the "hand to the ear gesture and mouthed 'call me'" thing was I left class. I waited and waited and she never called. The next day I waited and waited - she never called. Finally I decided to call her to see what was up, obviously I was never good at taking hints. I called her, she didn't answer - should have been a clue. I left a message anyway. A few minutes later she called back. She said she was actually really glad I called because her "phone broke" as she was leaving the English final and she had to go buy a new one and all her contacts got erased so she didn't have my number and couldn't call me. Honestly, I didn't believe her one bit; but she was still willing to go on a date with me, so we planned for me to pick her up after work on June 20th - the date, dinner at Red Robin and miniature golf at Cascade golf course. Both were fun. After wards I had to take her back to her car at her work where she left it. We sat in my car talking for a while; somehow the conversation got to Spongebob. I happened to have a few episodes on my ipod so we watched some. I couldn't stay too late because that night I was heading up to Centerville to stay with an old roommate of mine for the night because Tyson and I were leaving for San Blas early the next morning. After Spongebob got over I got out of my car and let my date out to give her a hug goodnight. The hug was okay, I didn't think I would be getting a second date from her either, but as I pulled away to get back in my car, she slid her hand down my arm and held my hand, just for a second. I gave her one more hug and something just clicked. I don't know why but in that instant I could see myself marrying her.

The next day, on our flight down to Mexico, I told Tyson all about my date the night before with - yep - Millie.

I couldn't talk too much about her on our trip though because it was supposed to be a guys trip, one to help Tyson get away and escape the reality of not having Jenny with him anymore.

The trip was great. We didn't plan anything other than we knew were were headed to San Blas. We flew into Puerto Viejo and booked a bus to San Blas. The bus didn't leave for a couple hours so we decided to grab a bit to eat - yep, street vendors, it's the best thing to eat in Mexico. We had a few tacos then made our way to the bus terminal. A LONG three hour bus ride later, we were in San Blas. We had no idea where we would stay - neither of us had ever been and we did no research on the place - that's just how we wanted our adventure to be. We walked around the town for a bit until we found a hotel we liked. It was Casa Maria, a small hotel not too far from the beach or town - and at ten bucks a night, no complaints. It was great, we spent a few days in San Blas walking around the town and eating at all the little stands. We went to the old fort and church ruins on the hill over looking the city, we visited the famous muelle and of course La Tovara (a natural spring deep in a mangrove forest). There was a rope swing at La Tovara and when Tyson went on it, he face planted into the water, I think that was his only attempt, rope swings are not his forte. But the boat ride in was cool and the views and fresh water were amazing. After a couple of days in San Blas we decided to start our way back to Puerto Viejo; we both wanted to stop and check out a place we passed on our bus ride to San Blas, a small "town" (a few building) called Playa los Cocos. We got off the bus WAY too early and ended up walking about five miles (with our packs - again, good thing I travel light) until we found a hotel. It was fifteen bucks a night and right on the beach. There was a lunch stand next door to the hotel that we ate at every meal we were there - it was the ONLY place to eat for miles. The owner of the hotel was an old guy who had his (I'm assuming) daughter visiting along with his grandchild. The owner spent all day, almost every day, in a hammock in by the beach - one day he feel asleep with his little grandson asleep on him, I took a picture I'll have to post later, it was adorable. Across the street from the hotel was a mango forest - yes, an entire forest of mango trees, I'm sure it was more of an orchard, but Tyson and I decided to go for a walk in it and pick us some mangos to eat along the way - which we did, and they were delicious! After a couple of days at Play los Cocos we had to head back to Puerto Viejo. We had one last night in Mexico and we decided to go all out and get an expensive hotel, expensive for us, it cost us like 20 bucks each for the one night, but the hotel was actually pretty nice and view was amazing, plus it even had A/C! Our last day/night/day in Puerto Tyson and I walked the shops and took pictures. Our flight back went well. We had a layover in San Fransisco and I called Millie from the airport to say hi.

A few days after I got back I took Millie to Park City to meet up with Brian and JoLynn, who were in town on vacation. When I picked up Millie at her house (her parent's house) I brought her flowers. Her dad answered the door and I handed him the flowers saying they were for him, then pulled them back and said I was just kidding, then I saw her mom and said they were actually for her - just kidding again. I know, I was a dork, especially for just meeting them in that moment. Millie came down and I gave her the flowers - Gerber daisies (her favorite) and some regular daisies. As we were leaving the house another car slowly passed us going the other direction and the people inside stared us down - I was asked Millie if she knew them and she said, "uh, no." I later found out the passenger was the boy she was dating at the time - I found out a few weeks later when he called me one morning. It was actually kind of a funny call - he told me he and Millie had been dating for the past nine months and that she is just playing me and I should dump her, I told him thanks but I wasn't really worried about it. Shortly after I got a call from Millie and she and I met up to talk, then I got the whole crazy story of how he couldn't take the hint, or direct statements, the she didn't like him and they were over. We hadn't made our relationship very official at that point so it really didn't bother me if she was dating someone else at the time. After that talk we decided to make it official.

A few weeks later I had to go down to St. George to help set up a new office for Trophy Homes, southern Utah division - I was the office manager of Trophy Homes at the time so, I was the lucky one to get to set the new site. While I was down there I had to run to Costco to get some supplies - in the parking lot, on my way out, I ran into Bethany - my old girlfriend from high school. I was shocked to see her. Over the years I had heard things about her whereabouts and what she was up to, but I never heard from her directly. The last thing I heard about her was just after I got back from Texas. Tevia told me that just before I left to Texas Bethany called her house (where I was living at the time) looking for me. She was married and going through a hard time and wanted to talk to me. Tevia told me she told Bethany that she was a married woman and to never try to contact me again. It was probably a good thing Tevs never told me that until after I got home from Texas, because otherwise, I probably would have tried to get back with her. Bethany ended up getting divorced and remarried by the time I ran into her at Costco. We said hi and hugged and basically just did the quick, "how've you been" kind of a passing - although there was SO much I wanted to say and ask her, but couldn't at the time.

Later that week I got a call from her - apparently she tracked my cell phone number down through a number of connections, I'm still not sure how come to think of it. She and I talked for hours - just like we used to back in high school, there were SEVERAL nights either she, or I, or both of us would fall asleep with our ears to the phone talking all hours of the night (again, that was before cell phones, so it was all land line conversations). But WHAT we talked about this time was different. Yes, we caught up on how we were and what's gone on over the years, but most of all she apologized. She apologized for how she treated me while we dated and for how things ended. She explained the bad situation with her ex and how it effected even her sibling's lives. We talked about everything that had been bothering me and hurting the previous six years, then we said goodbye.

It was shortly after that I found out Millie was pregnant. The day she told me, I somehow already knew. We planned a day, a Sunday afternoon, to tell her parents and let them know we were going to get married, a little sooner than expected. The day we planned for came. She showed up at Jacob and Cari Wall's house (where I was living at the time) and told me she couldn't go - she didn't want to go - and asked me to go by myself. I had still only met her parents a few times before and thought she was absolutely crazy for asking me to do that alone - but, I went. The drive over was too short. My heart was racing the entire time. I knocked on the door and Millie's mom answered and told me, "Millie's not here right now." I told her, I knew because she was at my place. I asked if I could talk to her and Kim (Millie's dad). She went and got him and we sat down in the living room. I didn't know how to begin. I sat on the couch across from them just trembling. Then, I said, I love your daughter, and I want to ask you if I can marry her. They said of course and actually seemed happy, then I had to drop the other news, I told them they have another grandchild on the way - and I did phrase it something like that. Disappointment flooded their faces - but at the same time, I could feel they loved their daughter so much and respected me (as much as a parent in their position could) for coming to them and loving their daughter too. My fear was gone - well, the fear of telling them was gone, my fear of how my life was about to change had only just begun.

Making things right with Millie's parents was only part of what lay before me. I also had the religious concerns as well. The church looks down on premarital relationships and even more so if a child is involved - compounded by the fact that I was in a ward in Provo. I went to my bishop to get things taken care of - he said it was beyond his ability to deal with and sent it to the stake. About a week later I was excommunicated from the church. I couldn't believe it. In less than a year I lost one of my best friends, another of my best friends lost his wife, I was on my way to becoming a father, and I had lost my membership in the church of my faith. With every trial over the previous year I thought, no way can things get any worse, yet they had.

Shortly after Millie and I got married. It was a simple, yet wonderful ceremony. We got married at the Alpine Art Center in Alpine, UT. Her parents were so helpful and supportive through it all. We kept it small and just invited family (including Brad, who we found out was Millie's cousin, after I realized her last name was Roper too) - and we invited a few close friends. My family came up from AZ, it was great to have them there. Right after the wedding Millie and I went to Disneyland for the weekend because we had to be back to school on Monday - getting married mid-semester was crazy.

We moved into a home owned by a lady I used to work with at Trophy Homes. She was fired the previous year, basically for clashing with the boss too many times. She had a home in Pleasant Grove with a HUGE yard, two OLD cats, two even OLDER dogs, and a horse - and she needed someone to take care of them all, and the house, while she lived in Hawaii. It seemed like a good opportunity at the time. Taking care of those nasty rotting dogs and the sickly cats was a chore. By mid winter one of the cats died. By late winter one of the dogs followed.

On April 2, 2007 Millie started to go into labor. She was in a lot of pain pretty much the entire afternoon. The contractions were pretty far apart but her pain wasn't going away between them, we didn't know that wasn't normal so we just waited til they got closer before calmly making our way to the hospital - where we preregistered earlier that day. When we checked in, the nurse there asked a few questions about the contractions and said they would monitor Millie for a bit and see if anything progresses and said, "you'll probably just end up going home, you're not that far along," and she was right, Millie was only 36 weeks at the time (four weeks early). The floor was pretty much dead and the nurses that were there slowly moseyed about whenever we asked for them - until, that is, Millie's water broke. She was in the hospital bed and had just changed into a gown. I called the nurse in to let her know the water broke. She came and looked at it and she went pale - the water was filled with blood. In that instant the quite hospital floor came alive. There were four or five nurses and a midwife in in a matter of seconds. Both Millie and the baby (in uterus) got hooked up to monitors - they told us the placenta had been tearing away from the uterus and they would have to perform an emergency C-section. Moments later the doctor arrived and they were suiting me up in OR clothes so I could be by Millie's side. I remember feeling detached from the entire situation, like, all this wasn't really happening to me or my wife - but it was. I got out our camera so I could take pictures of the new baby when it came - what an idiot, I left the battery at home in the charger. No problem, I brought our video camera - oh, crap, the battery was dead. Thankfully the hospital gave us a disposable camera to take some pictures.

The staff was great and in seconds Ellery Jane Webb was cut from her mom at about 4am on April 3, 2007. Aside from the birthing complications Ellery was healthy and strong. She could stand, with a little help by holding her arms, that same day. She was a solid and rigid baby from day one. After a couple of days in the hospital we were able to bring her home. Millie finished up classes at UVSC later the next week and graduated with her nursing degree. It was a heck of a year for me, but I was thankful for my new family and for the chance to be alive and turn twenty seven.